When we here at If I Blog It They Will Come first began blogging in efforts to get you to visit our blog and send a photo of yourself looking at our site, we felt like your character in the movie What Dreams May Come? We were surrounded by a CGI Universe of aesthetic wonder and beauty. We reveled in the brilliance of your work and were enamored with the enrichment that it had brought into our lives. It was all around us and even though you weren’t with us, we knew that with each post a faint whisper told you how much we cared about the fine work you had done as both as an actor/comedian/humanitarian.
Now that we’ve been doing this for over a year, we feel like we’re ever so close to achieving our goal, yet we’ve also never felt so distant. It’s like you’re with us…but in a different place. While we’re in heaven watching your films, our inability to reach our goal simultaneously has us standing at the gates of hell with Max Von Sydow and Cuba Gooding Jr. guiding us and not really doing that good of a job.
Like Chris Neilsen looking for his wife Annie, we know it’s up to us to descend beyond those dreaded gates of our own personal hell to find you and convince you to come with us to our magical technicolor world lined adorned with the majesty of your creative accomplishments. You see as much as we enjoy having the memories of the fine work you’ve done, they’re just not complete without your acknowledgement of the fine work we’ve done. The only way to make that circle complete is to have you enhance our cinematic utopia by sending us a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Plus, we noticed that the first leg of your tour has come to a close and sort of think that while your at home for the holidays cozying up with a nice cup of hot cocoa, you might be able to put aside a few seconds of photographic bliss for our humble little site.
In any case, we thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The We Got Past The River Styx folks at If I Blog It They Will Come
The truth is out there and we here at If I Blog It They Will Come know what it is. You’re now probably thinking to yourself, what is this truth you speak of? Are we referring to ex-heavyweight boxer, Carl “The Truth” Williams or perhaps just quoting a popular slogan associated with “The X-Files” (not to be confused with the porn remake The Triple X Files). The answer, neither. Mr. Williams, the truth is we are well aware of the fact that you have, in fact, seen our site. How do we know that? Well in all honesty, we don’t have any concrete evidence, but we find it utterly impossible that someone with an incredible amount of technology savvy such as yourself has yet to stumble upon a site dedicated to his very patronage.
Below you’ll find Exhibit A:
Judging by that clip we think that someone with the amazing computer skills you just displayed, could quite easily possess the ability to minimize the video game window and quickly conduct a google blogsearch for yourself (don’t be ashamed, we google ourselves all of the time) in which case you most certainly would happen upon our blog Perhaps if you were to toggle between screens you might even be able to multi-task and take a photo of yourself looking at our blog and send it to us at djayek@yahoo.com having never even had to quit out of your video game. Mr. Williams we know you’ve got the technology and the heart of gold to make our quest a reality. The only thing we can do is beg that you not hit “Control, Alt, Delete” on our dreams. Thank you for your time and consideration. We look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The Googling Ourselves All The Time Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come
We here at If I Blog It They Will Come would like to offer a hearty, “Holy Crap you’re awesome!” in your general direction. You see RW, we just read about your impromptu performance at the UCB Theatre at this Wednesday’s Harold Night festivities and were impressed not that you held your own with New York City’s best and brightest aspiring improv comedy troupes, but moreso that someone as humongous a star as yourself would slum it one night and give these budding comic geniuses a boost and the kind of memory that will last them a lifetime.
As former students at the UCB Theatre we couldn’t imagine how awesome it would’ve been had you showed up at our level one graduation show to save us from dying onstage before a tepid audience of twenty. We sure could’ve used the inspiration, but seeing as we won’t be making it onstage any time soon, you can do us one better by giving us our own memory that will last a lifetime. You don’t have to show up at our office and help us perform the witty banter-a-thon that we’ve been planning for quite some time, all we ask is that for one shining moment you send a photo of yourself looking at our blog and mail it to us at djayek@yahoo.com so that we too may have a memory that will last a lifetime. Cyberspace is such a structured place with all of it’s Ones and Zeros mathematics — why not throw it a little photographic improv just to keep things interesting.
Anyway, we thank you for your time and consideration on the matter and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The Budding Comic Geniuses Who Just Need To Be Inspired at If I Blog It They Will Come
We were busy conducting our weekly scouring of Youtube for any fun and original Robin Williams clips when we happened upon this impression of you by former MadTV staple and current Frank TV, Frank Caliendo.
Who does this Frank guy think he is? Trying to steal the thunder of our favorite actor/comedian Robin Williams by attempting to take you down a notch with a lame impression. We’ll be the first to admit his other impressions of Madden and Dubya are pretty spot on, but let’s face it impressions do not always equal funny. It takes true originality to pull hilarity out of thin air the way you do, Mr. Williams, more so than it does for this Caliendo guy to copy someone’s voice. While this guy may be able to trick his voice into sounding like you, he’ll never possess the ability to make us laugh the way you do.
However, if you’d like for us to break his kneecaps or take him out more quietly, just in case he should develop it, we’d gladly do so to ensure he never mocks you again. The only thing we ask for in return is a photo of you looking at our blog sent to us at djayek@yahoo.com. Though in all honesty, after we get the photo we probably won’t be carrying out any heinous attacks, because we don’t have the stomach to inflict pain on another human being. And also because that Frank TV guy is probably an okay dude if a little misguided and much less talented than you. At most we’ll give him a slap on the wrist and go easy on him for your sake.
Thanks for your time and consideration on the matter, Mr. Williams, we look forward to receiving your orders as well as a photo of you looking at our blog soon.
Sincerely,
The Able Evaluators of True Talent at If I Blog It, They Will Come
We here at If I Blog It They Will Come feel the winds of change-a’ blowin’. No, we’re not standing underneath a high-powered ceiling fan, nor are we listening to an inspirational 1990 ballad from German metal stalwarts,Scorpions. We’re talking about real change. You see, Mr. Robin Williams, we have taken a great measure of inspiration from the events of November 4th, 2008. If the citizens of the United States of America can gather their collective will and make a push for progress by electing Barack Obama as their next Commander-in-Chief, then who’s to say we can’t do the same.
Mr. Williams, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come seek change. A change that’s been brewing for quite some time now. The change we seek isn’t going to cause massive social upheaval, slight back pain, or even tax hikes for the richest 1% of people reading this. The change we seek will not entail the usage of divisive scare tactics nor will it require gerrymandering of certain election districts to bring about. The change we seek is simple.
This blog was founded on a premise of hope. We simply had hoped that particular celebrities would be moved to send us photos of themselves looking at this blog to djayek@yahoo.com after several months of good-naturedly badgering them to do so. We’ve succeeded as a blog before and we will succeed as a blog again, but we know we cannot do it alone …for the specific reason that in order to technically succeed we actually need a photo of you looking at our blog, which pretty much requires your participation.
In closing, we look forward to your aid in our push for progress to change this once proud (yet currently flagging) blog from one without a photo of you looking at it, to one with a photo of you looking at it, so that it may reach soaring levels never before seen. And on that glorious day when you finally come through we will be smiling from ear to ear as the “No You Won’ts” of our detractors shall be tempered with one simple phrase…”YES WE CAN.” We thank you for your time and consideration on the matter and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely,
The “We’d Never Go Negative” Folks at If I Blog It They Will Come
With Halloween but a day away there are still plenty of folks who haven’t nailed down a solid costume to wow their fellow party attendees and trick or treaters. We here at If I Blog It They Will Come, ever so enthusiastic about the idea of assisting our fellow man, woman, and child have scoured some of our favorite movies from our favorite actor/comedian to come up with five ideal, easy to create disguises for your spooky shindig this weekend. So without any further ado, we present you If I Blog It They Will Come’s Robin Williams-Themed Halloween Costume Spectacular.
5. Sean Maguire from Good Will Hunting- To take the form of Matt Damon’s sensitive psychiatrist all you’ve got to do is buy a fake brown beard and sprinkle it with some salt and pepper highlights. For good measure add in one of those casual looking baseball caps and a Cosby sweater then walk around telling everyone at the party “it’s not your fault.” 4. Zombie Adrian Cronauer- Go to the halloween store and get yourself a casual Army outfit and some zombie makeup. Apply with gusto. Walk around with an old school set of headphones screaming “Good Morning Vietnam!” while going off on rants about Richard Nixon and the demilitarized zone. If there happens to be someone dressed as a cute Vietnamese schoolgirl follow her around and flirt with her before you eat her brains. 3. Ms. Euphegenia Doubtfire- Get your makeup artist friends to make you a plaster mask of an old woman and wear an old lady housedress and girdle. Occasionally disappear into the bathroom and reappear at the party as yourself; only each time you reappear as yourself show up with a hint of lipstick or wearing a pair of false teeth. 2. Patch Adams- For the lazy partygoer, all you need for this one is a labcoat, a red nose, and a heart of gold. 1.A Photo of Robin Williams Looking at Our Blog- Granted we don’t exactly know what this looks like yet, so we most certainly need you, Mr. Williams, to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com first. However, if we don’t get that, we recommend that you dress up as any of the four characters above and walk around holding a large piece of white oak tag with a square cut out so that it looks as if you’re in a polaroid.
That does it for If I Blog It They Will Come’s Robin Williams-Themed Halloween Costume Spectacular. We hope you have a fun holiday and remember to check your candy for pins and poison since there’s a nine out of ten chance that someone is trying to kill you…or maybe that’s just our way of saying don’t eat too much sugar. Muahahahaha.
Trick or Treat,
The Sexy Popeyes at If I Blog It They Will Come
Today is a very historic day for the folks here at If I Blog It They Will Come. Not only is it National Day in the beloved land of Hungary (we think that’s located somewhere near the nation-state of Thirusty), but today also marks the 35th anniversary of the day President Richard M. Nixon agreed to hand over the infamous oval office tapes in which he and his cohorts discuss the Watergate Scandal. In celebration of this event, we think it’s time you pull one helluva an acting job as only our favorite actor/comedian can to channel Tricky Dick and hand over a little something of your own. Consider this our subpoena to you to finally respond to our demands and fork over a photo of yourself looking at our blog via an email to djayek@yahoo.com.
While you won’t face impeachment or any legal ramifications by doing so, it would really make our year if you got it into us by November 4th. On that day we were hoping to celebrate the 225th anniversary of the premiere of W.A. Mozart’s Symphony No. 36 by premiering a little something of our own, namely the photo in question. Thank you for your time and consideration on the matter and have a happy National Day. Stay up as late as you want.
Sincerely,
The Pro-Hungarian Forces at If I Blog It They Will Come
We here at If I Blog It They Will Come just recently read about the lawsuit you filed against Frank and Beans Productions, the company that tapped you to star in their comedy entitled A Couple of Dicks.
First of all we’d like to express our mutual outrage that this film is
not being made. We’re not quite sure what it was about, but we’re
probably correct in assuming that the plot was inspired by our post last week, which means we are probably owed some royalties as well.
We
would’ve loved to see a heartwarming film about two guys (i.e. “A
Couple of Dicks”) who run a website about trying to get their favorite
actor/comedian Robin Williams to send a photo of himself looking at
their site and finally succeed when during a heartbreaking loss to LSU,
they get a nation’s worth of Gamecocks fans to chant “”Hey Robin
Williams, Go To If I Blog It They Will Come and send a photo of yourself looking at their blog to djayek@yahoo.com. Go Cocks!”
It
had Oscar written all over it seeing as it was a real underdog tale
based on a true story. Mr. Williams, your participation would have been
the most vital element of the film as it would not have been complete
without the scene of you taking a photo of yourself looking at said
blog. While it’s true, nothing of that nature actually went down at the
game, neither did half of the stuff in the film Rudy.
In
any case, despite any misfortune over the cancellation of said
production, we still think you deserve ever cent of the $6 million they
promised you. As for us…we’re still waiting for our happy ending,
though not in the massage sense, in the sense that one day someone will
make a movie on our quest and that it will be a true story, because our
favorite actor/comedian, the Mr. Robin Williams decided to finally send
a photo of himself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com.
Of course if that should happen we might have to make a few script
changes (you know…because the whole football game thing never
actually happened). Thanks for your time and consideration. We look
forward to hearing from you soon.
Sincerely, “A Couple of Dicks” at If I Blog It They Will Come
We heard that in your recent appearance at the Peace Center in Greenville, South Carolina that you came out as a fan of University of South Carolina football. Now, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come have never been huge fans of the Cocks. We almost bought one of their hats when we were fourteen, but in all honesty, we’ve been Syracuse Orangemen (yes, we know they’re now called The Orange, we just can’t bring ourselves to shorten it) fans through and through over the past several years. However, over the past seven or eight seasons or so our favorite college football team has descended into the cellar of the Big East division and we think it’s time we switched teams.
That is why, with our favorite actor/comedian as our field general, we’re taking up the Cocks cause. It is our hope that with our re-pledging of NCAA allegiance, a nation of South Carolina Gamecock fans will get behind us in our quest to get you to send a photo of yourself looking at our blog to djayek@yahoo.com. We hope they’ll take it upon themselves this weekend during the big LSU game to begin a chant along the lines of “Hey Robin Williams, Go To If I Blog It They Will Come and Send A photo of yourself looking at their site to djayek@yahoo.com. Go Cocks!”
If you are not swayed by your favorite collegiate football team’s fan base and this post, well then I guess we’ll just have to try harder.
Sincerely,
The Gamecock Fans at If I Blog It They Will Come
P.S. Clemson, Georgia, Vanderbilt, Kentucky, Tennessee, and Florida all suck!
We here were delighted to see you kick off your much anticipated “Weapons of Self-Destruction” tour
this weekend at the Palace Theater in Columbus, OH . While we are
certainly excited about the fact that you’ll be performing in large
theaters before sellout crowds, we here at If I Blog It They Will Come
prefer the small-time comedy venues with names like “Chuckles” and “The
Laugh Hole. There’s something ever so pure about performing in such
cleverly named joke joints before unsuspecting crowds that really gets
our juices flowing.
We here at If I Blog It They Will Come
have a lot in common with the Comedy Castles and Laff Lounges of the
world. We like to think of this little site as our own small venue for
comedy on the web. The only difference is, we don’t see that many
visitors throughout the course of the day and we don’t have a two drink
minimum. Plus, we’re tough on hecklers.
It’s our hope that
throughout this tour you take a few moments to remember the little
people who attend these holes in the wall, the working men and women
who are facing economic hardship that may not be able to afford such
high priced affairs at the Borgata and the Landmark Theater in
Richmond, Virginia. We’re not suggesting that on all your nights off
you stop into one and entertain the proletariat…maybe just a few
nights. And maybe just maybe on one of those nights you’ll choose to
entertain the unsuspecting few who choose to frequent our humble yet
hilarious venue on a daily basis. You don’t even have to dream up new
material or even physically be anywhere. All you have to do is take a
photo of yourself looking at our blog and send it to djayek@yahoo.com.
If you want to include something else off the cuff you’re more than
welcome too as we know how often Robin Williams and spontaneous
hilarity go hand in hand.
In any case, we thank you for your time and consideration and look forward to you stopping by sometime soon.
Sincerely, The Funny Bonez at If I Blog It They Will Come
